one for grace...

I am taking a break from tea-drinking, class-prepping, homework-doing, thesis-writing, generally stressing and the other usual activities to reflect on some of the wonderful things I am enjoying currently, despite the incredibly crappy way this year began.

I am so grateful for my family, especially my two wonderful sisters. I love you guys. And also, for my friends, in the best and the rockiest of times, especially B who has seen more of the best and the rockiest than most. And the new friends I've made and am continuing to grow to know and appreciate. And the old friends that have reappeared after long absences as though no time had passed at all. As it turns out, despite how alone I often feel, it doesn't require much effort on my part to find you there.

This paragraph is for R. He won't ever read this and so he won't know if I've written anything nice about him here, though he knows what I think in real life, which is what counts in the end. I've learned a lot from and with him in the past year and am quite grateful for it.

And of course, I think a lot about those who have left us. My friend Jeff, whom I miss dearly and think about constantly. My sister's friend Jenn, who passed away this past week. And Joel and Earl, and my other friend Jeff. And the others, too numerous to list, but who have affected my life and the lives of those around me. (And, in this context, Brad and Walter and Alan, who have turned up as shining examples of friendship and solidarity in the toughest of times-- thanks guys!)

And yet, despite the grief and the hardship, I keep feeling like everything really is and really will be all right. I type this even as I feel inexplicable tears welling up and threatening to overwhelm me. Often I exist on this border. But what strikes me most is how, even while we are embroiled in some endless and stupid war, even as we are surrounded by ignorance and hate, even as we watch the petty entanglements and human dramas that turn up everywhere, the sun is shining and the birds are singing and my heart is warm. There is so much beauty in the world.